Hello! I hope everyone is having a fantastic day thus far! Today I decided to discuss a topic that I have touched on briefly in previous posts, but failed to go in great detail about. The topic of choice is that of courting.
Let’s be honest, when you hear that term you can’t help but think of Little House on the Prairie days, the older generation and things of that nature. The reason being, is that casual dating has become so popular, it makes other options appear old fashioned or strange even.
Growing up, I always knew that I wanted to do things different. While others girls were raving about the popular guys they were dating, I just wanted to steal away in my bedroom and read books about courting, doing things God’s way and preparing myself to be a wife. I knew there had to be more than what I was seeing!
I know without a shadow of doubt that the area of relationships is an area God himself called me to. I know because I come from a home with an absentee Father. I was raised by my Mother and Grandmother. My Mother only courted one guy when we were growing up, and it was short lived, broke her heart and did not result in Marriage.
I wasn’t brought up in home that modeled what a Godly relationship was supposed to look like. I did not have an involved Father who was telling me who I was, and how I was to be treated. I never saw a man love, support and be what my Mother needed. So for this passion for Relationships to be so strong, I knew it was thus for a reason. God had a plan. He loved me so much, that he desired that I know his design for relationships. Not only did he desire that I experience his fullness in relationships, but he also had plans that I share my knowledge with others.
Many ask me about my idea of courting. They question what separates it from dating and what the differences are. I don’t really get too caught up on the terms used to describe the process. Whether you choose to say Courting or “Intentional Dating”, the process is the same. For me, the main goal is to make it a priority to make sure that my actions, motives and mindset are such that the relationship is intentional in nature. It possesses a marriage mindset as supposed to let’s just have fun and see what happens.
I don’t open myself up to random dating. For example, I will not allow myself to go out with guys simply because they asked, they are fine, and they seem like a nice person. It takes more than that for me. Especially if I don’t know much about you. First and foremost I take all things to God. I ask him EVERYTHING! I have learned from prior situations the dire importance of this.
I ask him if this is someone he would desire to be in my life. And he always takes me to the things he has revealed that I need and deserve in a spouse. If we develop a friendship, I know the things to ask, and what to listen for. God has done an amazing job in teaching me what I should look for.
In no way is it only about me either. I make it a priority to also question if I am what the individual I’m developing a relationship with needs as well. Can I be what they need in a spouse? Do we connect as Christ desires and am I equipped to be what his vision needs? So I’m in no way thinking it’s about my desires, but his as well.
Courting for me is just entering the relationship with the mindset that the goal is marriage. It has to be intentional for me. It doesn’t necessarily mean you will always end up with the individual you are courting, but that is the goal you have when entering the relationship. Face it, things happen and in some cases individuals may decide it’s not wise for them to pursue marriage. We’re human and sometimes miss it. But the goal should be marriage. By that being the goal, it causes the relationship to flow in an intentional manner. It directs your conversations, actions and so forth.
It’s important for me that I handle the situation as someone I or someone else will marry one day. Respect, honor and loving care is the only option. I will handle them in a way that is pleasing to the Father, and in a manner I myself would want my future spouse to be handled. Sexual relationships are not an option for me in courting. I am committed to abstinence until marriage and who I’m courting must be on one accord. Sex before Marriage opens up a can of worms and can impact the courting relationship negatively. I’m not at all interested in that!
To recap on some things I will say, in my opinion the differences in courtship and dating, is the mindset behind the relationship. What are you looking for? Your expectations? What’s the end goal? Also, I believe casual/random dating is a bit like trying on shoes. You keep dating different individuals to find the right fit. I know it seems like the way to go if you are searching for someone. But what most fail to realize is that you are giving away pieces of you, your heart and more each time you spend time, interact and whatever else with these individuals. That’s exhausting.
Why not just trust and rely on God to lead and guide you? Include him in the process, in order that you avoid continuous heartbreak, frustration and disappointment. When you realize how valuable you are, you won’t subject yourself to random dating. You will only open yourself up to one whom God deems as a safe place for your heart. You deserve that loved ones!
So in a nutshell that is why I prefer courtship as opposed to casual dating. I respect my future husband enough to not want to give my energy, time and pieces of me to one who is not even meant to have access to me in such a way. My love deserves it ALL I desire for my next relationship to be the ONE, and I strongly believe it will. It’s a beautiful thing to be in relationship with God and to know that you can trust him with your heart . He will lead you in the right direction!
So I encourage you all to seek Christ when deciding who to allow in your heart. He desires to be a part of the process and truthfully you need him to be. Your destiny depends on it. I love you all and many Blessings!