Hello Hello! It’s me Nikki, coming at you with another dose of….well me of course. I couldn’t really think of anything catchy to say, so that will have to do. Ha! I was pulling on my inner radio show host with that opening line. Did you get that vibe? Okay, maybe not. I’ll work on it!
For this post I decided to address five questions that I have been asked SEVERAL times since becoming single again. I thought it would be kind of fun to answer them within a blog post. Shall we?
Question 1: Is it fun being single again? Are you excited about the opportunity to go out on dates? Are you enjoying exploring and getting to know different people?
My Answer: First off ,I want to make it known that I never imagined I would ever be single “again”. If you really know me, you know I have always had a passion for relationships. And it took me a minute to accept that this was my story. But here I am, single again. I may have been surprised, but God was not at all surprised. He had already set in place the components to birth forth this ministry. I knew my story and my experiences were such in order that I be equipped for what he has called me to. For that I am grateful.
I do feel excited when I think about the ONE who God has for me. I get excited about getting to know him. I get excited about spending time with him. I am excited about the first time we realize that we belong to one another. All the first and forevers. I’m excited about our visions and how we connect them.
But more than the excitement, I just want it to be a relationship that pleases the heart of the Father. I want it to be a testament of HIS love. So for me it’s more of a strong desire to do things God’s way. I want to be my man’s pillar of rest, I want to be his friend, his helpmeet, his pusher, his lover, his support and more. And that is a huge responsibility that I don’t take lightly. That’s why relationship with Christ is key. He makes it possible.
As far as the exploring and dating different people, I must say I’m not a fan. Y’all, I have yet to go on one date. I receive several side eyes for that, trust me! I find it so sweet that so many want me happy and are excited about this journey of mine. I appreciate all the love. I REALLY do. But I am not a casual dater, therefore; I won’t be doing the random, casual dating thing.
I just want to cross paths with that One. And I think that because most men can feel the vibe and energy I give off, they don’t really come at me with the desire to date me casually.
And for the few that fail to read me correctly, they learn real quick what I’m about. Don’t come for me unless you trying to catch feelings! Ha! I’ve been told that I’m that woman. I’m just putting it out there. The way God has put and is continuing to put me together…baby I’m trying to tell you! I’m a one in a lifetime kind of woman! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m just messing with y’all, but being serious at the same time though! Ha!
Question 2: How have you fought the desire to engage in sexual relationships now that you are single again?
My Answer: Easy, don’t put yourself in those situations. If you have been following my blog, you know my story. I was a virgin when I married. One reason I was able to remain a virgin until my wedding day, was because I never put myself in compromising situations. It’s not because I have some superpower. Now that I’m single again, I have once again committed to abstinence until marriage. It’s very important for me to honor God, my future husband and myself in this manner. That in a nutshell is what keeps me.
In my opinion there is no cookie cutter method to success in this area. I can share what works for me, but there is no guarantee it will work for you. I think it depends on the couple and their convictions. I’m not going to sit here and say, no hanging out past said hour is what you must do. That was never a hangup for me, but for some that is recipe for disaster. Just go to God with your relationship and ALWAYS honor him and one another. Your safeplace is to make honoring God, and your sweetie top priority! No half steppin!
I read this book in which a couple was sharing how they did not share their first kiss until their wedding day. I recall thinking, how beautiful, I am going to follow suit. In my mind I was thinking, how hard could it be? At that point I had never kissed a guy. I was in high school and it wasn’t until my college years that I finally kissed a guy. So I figured I had it in the bag.
But I’m not going to sit here and act like I still want to do that! Ha! I mean it’s noble and I really could do it. But lawd…..I like lips. I have to be honest! I mean if they looking like they are looking, and we are in relationship….let us pray. Ha! But seriously, y’all know I’m silly. If God gave instructions for me to do so, with his help I would commit to honoring that. If my future husband wanted to save the kiss, I would respect that. I really would. It wouldn’t be easy, but my love for him and God would make it something I would desire to do and would be proud to say I did. If I had to! That marriage would probably be moved up a few months Ha! Just kidding..Not Really!
Question 3: What kind of man am I looking for?
My Answer: Well, I’m not really looking….rather I see it as waiting and growing. I’m waiting on him to make his appearance. Of course I’m focusing on growing while I wait. I can tell you the things that attract me. But I’m pretty sure God will have some added surprises. That’s just how he is!
To answer the question, I desire a man that foremost has the Father’s heart. He must have a committed relationship with the Father. He must understand and have experienced God’s love and redemptive work in his life. If that is the case I know he will be able to love and lead as Christ desires. I want to rest in the fact that he will take all matters to God and that he hears his voice. That’s important to me. I seek a man who will commit to loving me and knowing me. One who accepts me, all of me.
I desire a man who is family oriented. I am all about family and am in my element when I’m wifey and Mom. Those roles make me happy. I am truly fulfilled in those roles. He must also really enjoy children. I have two children, so naturally it would be important that he have a heart for children. I also wouldn’t mind more. So Family is huge! And it truly makes me beam when a man loves and appreciates my passion for families and seeing them thrive.
I enjoy a man who has a vision. He knows his purpose. He knows what God has called him to and he is passionate about it.
I so enjoy a sense of humor. OMG! This one is huge. I so enjoy laughing, playing and being silly. I need that in my life. So we need to be on one accord in that regard. A sense of humor and a joyful spirit is one of those things that I pick up on in a man quick. I love it! I don’t expect perfection in a man by any means. I simply seek a heart yielded to Christ.
Those are the major ones. I could say more! HA! But those are the things that come to mind first. And of course, I hold myself to being what he needs in a spouse as well. What I desire, I also seek to be!
Question 4: Do you have a crush on anyone?
My Answer: Whet?? Not what…but whetttt? I get asked this one a lot. Most assume that since I’m not dating, there must at least be someone I’m crushing on. You know, crush sounds so immature. So high schoolish! Is there another word we can use? I’m really just trying to get out of the question by throwing random things out! HEHEHE! Okay, I was attracted to this guy. Well…sorta still am..sort of….kinda..maybe. I wanted to get to know more about him. But for whatever reason it just never really went in that direction. And I’m okay with that. Because I trust that God knows best. His choice and timing is what my heart desires! So yeah, it has only been that one crush as of now.
Question 5: How do you expect to find the one if you are not a casual dater? You have to get to know people to see who works and who doesn’t. If not a casual dater, what’s your ideal situation?
My Answer: That’s a great question! Simply put, I MUST rely on God’s guidance and instruction when choosing whom to open myself up to. I am not interested in opening myself up to a lot of men in an attempt to find the one. That is exhausting to even think about. I truly believe if I trust God, he will cause our paths to cross. And when he does, I believe he will let me know it’s him, in his timing. That saves me from having to do the “getting to know you” process several times.
I don’t have an ideal situation per say, but I can say that I prefer the guy to make the first move. I’m old-fashioned like that. I don’t mind giving subtle hints about my interest in a guy. I understand it really eases the pressure on his end if he had an inkling that I am just as attracted to him as he is to me. And I’m not so naive to believe that all I have to do is just sit here and wait for him to fall out of the sky and do all the work. Yes, God will send him, but I must respond accordingly when he does. He’s going to know I am interested.
When he expresses interest and I’ve determined it is indeed someone I would desire getting to know more about, the next step would be conversation. Those conversations would allow us to see if we are compatible and desire to move forward with dating or courting one another. Whichever term you prefer. I ONLY want share and spend lots of time with one whom I feel God has sent. I feel it is wise to do that. I only want to share certain parts of me with the one God has sent. And I honestly don’t feel I need to try on men like shoes to see which one fits. I prefer to just trust the ONE who already knows who he is and has promised to send him in his timing.
So there you have it. My answers to the top 5 questions I have been asked since becoming single and starting this blog. Thanks so much to those who have been reading the blog. Please leave comments! I am a people person and so enjoy meeting new people and conversing. I want to hear from you all! Happy Sunday and Many Blessings!