Hello All! I hope everyone is having an amazing day! I missed you all! So sorry I didn’t post last week. I was under the weather! Feeling like myself again and excited to share!
It’s Transparent Tuesday! Woot Woot! Well it’s not always all that easy for me, but I get excited about it all the same! I kid you not, the days leading up to this day I am clueless in regards to what to share. But like clockwork, when the time comes, I sit in front of this laptop and it just spills out. God is amazing, I tell you.
So today I realized something. Y’all know what I realized? This lil lady realized she needs to embrace the awesomeness of Nikki more. Yep, I do. Let me explain. My kids are spending a few days with their Father. It’s super quiet and I can honestly hear a pin drop. So as one can imagine I’ve been doing a lot of thinking during this time. And yes, I have discovered I need to embrace Nikki more. While I love being a Mommy, I realize it has become a huge part of my identity.
It was quite an adjustment having to shift from Married Mother of two to Single Mom of two. And for the last few years I have had to make sacrifices to be sure everyone was okay. I got so caught up in making sure my babies were okay, I sort of neglected me. It’s easy to do, trust me. When you are in survival mode, it happens fast. You set your focus on being the best mother, and helping your children adjust to the situation at hand. Because face it, you want to protect them and help them adjust to a situation that was beyond their control. So you put so much time and energy into that, not realizing you’re not putting enough into you.
And even more, the absence of a male changes the dynamics of things. With no spouse encouraging you to take care of you, loving on you, protecting you, covering you and shielding you from certain things you sort of feel like you have to carry it all yourself. So you just do! And you get tired. And you have moments. And you lose you. You are so caught up in protecting and covering everyone else, because it’s what you have learned to do. In fact, it’s what you have had to do. But what about you? Deep down you want someone to see YOU. You want someone to see the depths of who you are. To understand. To allow you to be You. To allow you to confess you aren’t as strong as you always appear. That you too, just want to feel protected, loved….and cared for. Then HE shows up! My God!
God has allowed me to see I don’t have to carry it all! He has promised to be my help in time of need and has! God has been my EVERYTHING through this season! But the last three days have opened my eyes to just how fast one can lose themselves. Between the two weeks I was under the weather, and this time alone, God has been doing and saying much! I keep hearing, “Do you know how amazing you are, how beautiful you are, how kind you are, how loving you are, and so on”. I find myself on the verge of tears y’all because to hear your heavenly Father say such things touches your heart in a way you can’t explain. To hear him constantly remind me that his love for me is everlasting and comparable to none breaks me down. In a good way that is. He’s reminding me of me.
So yes, I am embracing the awesomeness of Nikki. Not just the Mama side, but the Full essence of me. The Lady who loves Jesus! The lady who loves to smile and cause others to smile. The lady who laughs way too much I’m sure! The woman who enjoys great convo, people, coffee, tea, music, fashion,reading and fun. The quirky, silly, creative and yeah….sexy lady!!!!LOLOL He said embrace everything right? So I’m thinking I need to remember that too. Ha!
I’m amazed in regards to all the ways God has been causing me to remember and embrace, Nikki, the woman. That sounds so crazy to say! I feel like screaming, “ I am WOMAN, hear me roar”. Ha! But this is serious y’all. God needed to do this, because I was even beginning to feel I needed a change. I knew things were off balance. And I knew he was calling me to put more into ME.
I have made it a point to start passionately pursuing some things God placed within me. This website was one of those visions, and there are a few more projects I’m working on. And it has all been wonderful! God has stirred up some things and I’m excited about all he is doing. And as if that isn’t enough, he has forced me to realize that I am indeed WOMAN!LOLOLOLOL
Soooo…let’s just talk about how he has reprogrammed my mind to realize that everyone doesn’t see me as Mommy. And that I need to be ever ready! BE Ye Ready! The last few months have been rather interesting. Let’s just say I have crossed paths with a few individuals, unexpectedly might I add, who have expressed interest or shown interest in getting to know me. I’ve just honestly been doing me, minding my own business and these menfolk coming out the woodwork. LOLOLOL
At one point it became comical. It became so frequent that I found myself thinking “This can’t be real.” Why are all these men expressing a desire to get to know me and why are they just popping up in the most random places. The way I see it, it was God’s way of reminding me of who I am. I am special. I am rare. I am indeed a woman that shines. A woman that exudes his love, joy and peace. A woman who is beautiful, because of what is on the inside of me. And he desires that I know that. This has nothing to do with arrogance. Never been the arrogant type. But this has everything to do with my Father affirming who I am daily and expecting me to act accordingly and Know who I am. He wants me to see myself as a Godly, Single woman. Not just my kids Mama.LOL And he is causing me to embrace it. I think I was a bit taken back by it at first. I didn’t know how to receive the attention, nor how to feel about it. And that’s expected in my situation. But I’m at a place where I’m really okay with embracing it. He is causing me to feel comfortable in that space again and he is pulling on that side of me. And it’s been such a beautiful experience embracing that side of me again. You get so use to ignoring the looks, and what not that you have to reactivate yourself to notice them again.LOLOL
God is indeed working in my Singleness, and he has truly been doing some amazing, life-changing things in me. No, I haven’t went on any dates since I’ve been Single. Nope! Not one. Y’all surprised? You shouldn’t be. His timing is everything to me. I’m taking things at a pace I think is best. I’m determined to please him with this area of my life. And although some of those guys were very attractive, very kind, and so on, they just didn’t move my spirit. I’m big on discernment. I’m not saying you know when first meeting someone, but I trust the God in me and my godly intuition has been strengthened over the years. You know when you know. I know what God desires, what I like and I adhere to a strict no settling policy.
So yeah, God has been challenging and stretching me in so many ways. It hasn’t always been comfortable but needed. I encourage all of you, whether male or female to take heed to the things God may be speaking to you as he prepares you for your future.
No matter how big or small, embrace the changes he is making within you. They are necessary! They are preparing you to be equipped to be the spouse he is calling you to be. Be obedient, because he has your best interest in mind. Love you all! Be encouraged!