Greetings! I pray everyone is doing just fabulous! I always get so excited about having the opportunity to share with you all! I’m just going to jump right in with this topic, if that’s okay. Burning the midnight oil and my eyes are starting to burn along with that oil!
Today I will be writing about protecting your purity while courting. This is indeed a popular topic when it comes to Christian courting/dating and I feel it is a topic that surely deserves the attention it receives. Nowadays it seems that more often Christian couples are finding it harder and harder to abstain from sex before marriage.
In this particular post I won’t be focusing on the “typical” do’s and don’ts regarding what couples can do to help them withstand the pressures of wanting to have sex. I will definitely do that in another post, so stay tuned for that. Rather in this post I want to discuss a concern that some Christians have expressed in regards to saving sex for marriage.
I have had the pleasure of listening and talking to several believers, male and female who freely share their concerns in regards to remaining celibate during courtship. In their hearts they desire to honor God in this way, but a part of them feels as if it’s a risk to save this area of their relationship until after the wedding. Let me elaborate.
Jane (Fictional name) expressed that she truly believes that saving sex for marriage is Biblical and something that should be honored, yet she has serious concerns that doing so puts her at risk for being with someone who is not sexually satisfying. This statement is often followed by, “Who wants to spend forever in a marriage in which you are not sexually satisfied.” “That’s torture.“
There’s no doubt sex is a big part of marriage. It’s a symbol of two becoming one. It’s meant to be pleasurable and yes, I truly believe God desires that we FULLY enjoy one another sexually. That’s why he uniquely designed us to receive pleasure from one another. But I also believe the idea that you feel you have to try out the goodies, before they truly belong to you is a lack of trust in God. How so you ask? Hear me out for a minute. If you truly feel God allowed your paths to cross, you believe them to be the one and you love them, why question your sexual compatability? Do you not think God has taken this into consideration? Do you truly trust him with this area of your life? Let’s take it a step further.
Sex, is a passionate expression of the love you share with your spouse. It draws you closer to one another, releases stress, and connects you in a way that only God can. As stated before it’s two becoming one. This is why spiritual maturity is key. If two individuals truly have God at the center of their relationship, meaning they subject everything pertaining to their relationship under the authority of Christ, he will honor that. If couples fully understand, have truly accepted and experienced his love, I find it hard to believe compatibility would be an issue. God’s love causes you to desire to please the other. Love causes you to take the time to learn what the other likes. Love causes you to be respectful and patient with one another. Love causes you to effectively communicate with one another in order that your sexual relationship be what you both desire. If sex among spouses is entered into lovingly, unselfishly and with patience sexual compatability should not be an issue.
It’s so important that while courting/dating you take the time to really focus on getting to know one another. Study one another, communicate, pray and study together. This will set a strong foundation, and make it more difficult to entertain the, “should we try it out thoughts.” What you build with one another during your courtship sets the tone for your future intimate relationship. Don’t complicate things by mixing in sex. Doing so sets blinders in place and clouds your rationality. But we will save that for another post. That’s another post on it’s own.
I’m sure there are those who will disagree. But these are simply my thoughts concerning the matter. I fully trust that God knows every desire I have. He created me, knows my thoughts, needs and then some. I don’t feel the need to drag whomever I’m courting into the bedroom so I can get a taste of what my future looks like. Now…I’m not saying there won’t be times I won’t want to! Ha! I’m just saying I WON’T! I’ve been here before, and me and God got this!
If you’re wondering why it is that I appear so confident in regards to this, let’s just say I’m no rookie to this celibate life I’m choosing to embrace. As previously stated, I’ve been here. With God’s help, I was able to save myself until I married. I made a commitment to God as a teen to save myself for my husband and I kept it. Praise the Lord! And although that relationship has ended, I am so very proud of myself for staying true to my vow to God. And I am on that path yet again. It’s such an honorable thing in my eyes and one that is so important for me to uphold for God and whomever he chooses to bring into my life.
When I share with others that I have only been with one person, they look at me like I’m some rare species. It most always opens the door for me to testify about how God is indeed a keeper and allows for me to shed some insight in regards to how I was able to remain a virgin until marriage. So let me touch on that a bit.
For one, I was never really a casual dater, nor did I put myself in too many situations that had me caught up. Honestly, I didn’t even have my first “official” boyfriend till college and it was so innocent. Bless it! I think we kissed maybe twice! He was a basketball player, and had girls who were interested in him who were more than willing to go there. In fact, sex had been a part of his previous relationships. And there I was, this shy, southern gal who was completely content with spending time getting to know him. I was baking him homemade cookies and desserts, like, “Yeah, we are not going to be doing THAT, but here…enjoy these scrumptiously satisfying cookies.” I offered a different kind of cookie LOLOL But he was very understanding and always respectful of my choice. He never even brought up sex when we dated. I say this to say, take careful consideration in regards to who you choose to date. Who I was always rang loudest, not what I wasn’t willing to do. What stood out the most was my willingness to be there, to encourage, to pray, to offer my support, and my desire to love unselfishly. And to the right person that is always enough. Be with someone who wants to take the time to get to know YOU, first and foremost. You are worth it. I never entertained those whom I felt would try and persuade me to compromise. This, goes a long way. It was difficult enough on it’s own, you don’t need to be running like Joseph every encounter.
If you carry yourself a certain way and let your stance be known upfront, it usually sets the tone for your relationships. I let it be known right off where I stood whenever I found myself interested in someone. And I was unapologetic and bold about it. I’m not saying you won’t have moments. Because they do come. You just have to have an escape route and maintain sound communication about your desire to remain pure before marriage.
Another thing that puts things in right perspective is maintaining a consistent prayer life. I prayed consistently and fervently. I read books on remaining pure for my husband. I did everything I knew to do to ensure I kept my promise to God. That is why I stress a passionate relationship with Christ as the key. When you are in right relationship with him and you are serious about your vow, he will help you carry it out. I can testify to that! I never questioned if I should go ahead and try it out just to be sure. I knew that if it was a God thing, it would be a good thing.
So couples make it a priority to protect your purity. Don’t get caught up in the superficial reasons as to why you should go ahead and try it out. If it’s a God thing, it will be a good thing. There is strong emphasis on making sure it’s a God thing. Because if God’s not in it, I can’t really speak on what you will encounter. I can’t make any guarantees in that regard. But if it is a God thing and he is truly the center, he will cause all things to work out for your good. Because it will be two individuals who love God, love one another and are committed to pleasing the other.
Trust God to give you the strength needed to stand against the temptation and voices in the wind. Cling to him! You are going to need it! And when you do marry, he will cause you to both be aware of the spiritual, emotional and mental maturity needed to be please one another in a way that is satisfactory to you both. Regardless of whether or not your first encounter is flawless or not, it will be meaningful. So, so meaningful. The beautiful thing is that you get to spend a lifetime loving, learning, and satisfying.
So be strong couples! It is possible, and you can do it! Choose to honor God with this area of your lives. Just as sure as he brought you two together, he will surely cause this area to be rich and a true blessing! Trust Him! I said I wasn’t going to go into how to remain celibate, but as you can see I found myself doing that on occasion. Hey, I just go with the flow. Whatever he drops in my spirit is what you all get! I pray this encourages couples to hold on! His way is always the best way! It will be well worth the wait! Love you guys! Many Blessings!